Personal Stories
Susan Wells, Mom to Tommy
Nothing in life could possibly prepare you to be a parent of a disabled child. There are no guides, no how to books, no directions. With one word from a physician and a diagnosis on a medical form, your world is turned upside down and changed forever. In my son's case, the word was Autism. Every hope, dream and aspiration you had for the future is destroyed in a moment of time, and you struggle with the reality of what you are unwillingly about to go through for the rest of your life. No one who has not gone through this understands the depths of despair through which you descend and it is only through the power and love of Almighty GOD that you are able to recover and get through each day with grace. Having a child that is disabled is like grieving every day for the loss of a loved one, you never get over it and you are constantly reminded of it. In a sense, you look at death every day, you see the death of dreams and hopes for your child, your family and your future. You are isolated and many times outcast from the rest of the world due to this disability. Friends and family leave you alone with no one to help.
You turn to schools, doctors, therapists anyone for help, but they can only do so much, finally you realize the only one who can help you is the LORD Jesus. He can get us through it all and give us hope for tomorrow where there was none. He can comfort your broken heart and create peace out of chaos. He can turn something so awful and tragic into something that is good and beautiful. He can give you eyes to see and a heart to understand that your child is made in His image too and that he is greatly loved by the Father. He can make all things new.
People with disabilities and those who care for them need to know that they are accepted as a part of GOD'S family, Jesus in his ministry here on earth sought out those who were disabled emotionally, physically and mentally and healed them. He showed compassion to the sick and afflicted. He never turned anyone away, never refused to heal anyone who asked and always gave life to those who would accept it.
Jesus commissioned us to "Go into the world and preach the gospel to every creature". So often we take this to mean foreign lands and people who don't know Jesus in other countries, and that is true in part but He said ALL creatures that includes everyone. All people need to know that they are loved by the Father, and that means your family, your neighbors, your co-workers, strangers that the LORD brings into your path.
Beth and Mark Speidel, Pastor Ahlemann and THE CHURCH OF THE VALLEY have taken up the challenge that Jesus gave them in His commission through IN HIS IMAGE DISABILITY SERVICES; they have seen the need in the community to reach out to these families and their loved ones with help, with the love of Jesus. It means so much to us as parents to have this kind of support and to know that we can leave our son with those who can be entrusted with his care. It gives us the chance to take a breather and recoup from all the stress of caring for a disabled child. This is the kind of help that family's of disabled children need.
Jesus can heal the broken hearted, but He needs us to be His hands and feet to the world. He needs us to go in His place and He will go with us. If God has put it in your heart to support this program, which is an extension of His love, great will be your reward.
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Linda LeMay, mom to Nathan, Katie, Caleb, Tiffy, and Scott
In His Image is a real blessing to us. With 5 young adults with disabilities at home, a lot of churches did not want us in their church because they felt the people in the church would get upset seeing our kids. We have raised these young adults since some came home from the hospital, others since early childhood. These are our children and at The Church of the Valley we all feel welcome. There are a lot of things for them to participate and become involved in and feel comfortable and accepted. They are still talking about the respite picnic they had with In His Image. Thank you for being there for us Beth, Mark and The Church of the Valley.
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Linda Carver, Volunteer
Why do I want to become a part of this important ministry? The only way I know to answer is to tell you the story of my nephew, Beau. I grew up watching my sister, Gloria; give her all to the care of my nephew Roland “Beau.” Beau was born in 1952, when I was only four years old. He was born with cerebral palsy, epilepsy and an enlarged heart. Without close family my sister could not have managed the early months of his care. As he grew the doctors told her that it would be better for her and her other children if she would institutionalize Beau. According to the doctors, he would never walk, wouldn’t live into his teens and would have a very limited capacity for learning. Fortunately, my sister didn’t listen to them. Beau didn’t walk at “normal” age, he was two! Believing that God had given this little boy to her to love and to do her best to care for, my sister sought every medical and social program available for him. In the 1950’s, the services for the handicapped were very limited. So, Gloria continued to work with Beau, with little guidance from the medical community. One her own, she developed daily exercises to strengthen his weak side.
I believe that God gave her the strength and knowledge she needed to help him grow into a remarkable young man. Beau started school just one year behind. Excelling from the beginning, with no remedial help, he graduated from high school. He loved the study of history and government. His knowledge and understanding were remarkable. Beau could have a political debate with the best and win most of the time.
Beau’s life was a constant physical and psychological struggle. As we grew up together, I would watch him trying to do everything that all little boys do. His walking and running were awkward and children would make fun of him. One side of his mouth drooped and it somewhat affected his speech. Children would leave him out of their play groups and you could see his pain. He had a passion for all sports, but he “loved” baseball. He taught himself to hit (with one good arm). Beau learned to throw the ball and quickly put the glove on the same hand to catch. He became so good that the “normal” children wanted him to play. He had to hit the ball farther than the other kids, to compensate for running the bases so slowly. By his teens, Beau knew more baseball history and stats than anyone I’ve ever known.
No limited capacity for learning there! Life was always a challenge for Beau, my sister and her family. Open-heart surgery, mental health concerns and many daily medications including some awful side effects were to be what was in store for him. Beau (against the odds) worked for many years (enduring cruel teasing and ridicule on the job), owned his own house and kept the good natured attitude that had been with him throughout his life. He had his sad times, of course, and wished that life had been more kind to him. But he didn’t dwell on what might have been. Beau lived each day, trusting God, doing the very best could, without complaining and with the smile we all loved. Beau passed away, at the age of thirty-nine from heart failure. We miss him terribly.
It was only after I became a mother, that I realized what my sister must have faced each day. With family living nearby, she did have some help and support. But, the day to day challenges were frustrating and exhausting for her. Her faith was tested, questioning “why” my child. Her marriage was strained, often making home life miserable for Gloria and her children. My sister became a social worker. Her job was to place “special needs” children in foster homes and oversee their medical care. Maybe this was the answer to her “why.”
When I look back, thinking of the people that have made the biggest impact on my life, Beau and my sister are near the top of my list. Beau’s courage and love for life have left a lasting impression on many. When I think that I can’t bear a disappointment, pain or loss I’m facing, I think of Beau. He endured and overcame with a smile.
I have no special skills to bring to “In His Image,” I just hope that the Lord can use Tom and I to help ease a little of the burden for parents of “special needs” children, allowing them to enjoy a church service or a little time away from their daily struggle. There are many children that don’t have the capabilities to live as independent a life as my nephew did.
There are also parents that can’t see anything positive in the future for their children. I envision a ministry that will encourage each child (and their parents) to strive to move beyond expectations that the medical and social experts have for them. Trusting God to help them achieve what many believe is out of their reach, as Beau did.
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Susan, Grandma to Kyle
Beth, thank you for calling yesterday. As I said, your interview really had an impact on both me and my husband, Frank. Just to have someone to share and understand and offer support meant so much.
On Friday, December 8, 2006, at 8:30am, Frank and I will be in
Stafford County Court seeking custody of our grandson, Kyle. Kyle is 8 years, 10 months old. He was a 27 week preemie and suffers from CP which effects both legs, hips, right arm and hand, he is both bladder and bowel incontinent, is in need of glasses and possible hearing aids, and a variety of emotional issues. The recent CDC court ordered evaluation indicates there are numerous learning disabilities, but he
has the capacity with the correct learning environment to be at grade level. He should be in the 3rd grade, but has only attended school for
2 weeks out of his entire life, so he scored at and below K5 in all but one subtest.
His father, my son, has been divorced from the mother since 2000 and they only lived together for 4 months. My son remarried and has another
Son, and since May 2006 lives on the coast of Mississippi. Kyle's
mother has done everything possible to alienate his father and us from his life. She lives under the radar, moves without notice (6 times since 2004), has had numerous men in her life and three other children, ages 5, 4, and 3 by different men.
When we found Kyle in April 22, 2006, at 1:30pm, his mother was in bed, the children let us into the house, all the children were in diapers, and Kyle was on the floor, wet diaper, no pants, dirty shirt and socks, and covered in cat food. The children were trying to catch the wild
squirrels that had nested in the house. Animals in America are treated better than what we found on that day for those children. Four calls were made to Social Services and nothing was done.
Jennifer said we would never see Kyle again and she was the mother and
whatever she did with her children was OK and no court would ever remove children from the mother. On June 1, 2006, the 5 year old, was removed and given to his father and grandfather, due to unsafe living conditions and temporary custody was granted to him on September 13,
2006. I will never understand why one child could be removed do to safety reasons and three other children left in worse than third world
living conditions. We took her to court on June 13, 2006 for emergency removal of Kyle, but by the time we got to court, which was two weeks after the other child was removed, she had a plan of action to move to her
sister's home, she provided pictures that the current house was cleaner
and the court decided that living conditions were safe.
She moved to her sister's home on July 6, 2006, but before she left, she and the children lived without water in the house, so toilets ran over, no food, dirty clothes, etc. The landlords of the home, took pictures and presented in court on September 13, 2006. The filth was unimaginable. During all of this my grandson, who cannot walk or take care of himself lived.
Kyle is a very bright young child, who deserves as all children do the opportunity to thrive, grow, and become the best he can be. But living as he does, even a child without handicaps would have a hard time, but he is disabled and needs soon much more care that if he is not removed and given a chance at life, he will wither and die like a leaves on the trees in the fall.
You and all the prayers of your congregation will be a blessing. I pray to God that Kyle to understand why this is being done, wisdom for the judge, my lawyer to know every legal way to protect Kyle, strength for my husband and I, and God to help Jennifer to become a good mother
in the future.
I would very much like to help in your ministry. I have already shared the web site with others and hope that by educating people the future will be better for the disabled in Virginia.
Again, thank you very much and I look forward to hearing from you again.
Susan
Follow up:
Beth, All prays were answered by God. On Friday at 3:00pm we received full and final custody of our grandson, Kyle. The hard work has started, but the rewards and future for Kyle is so much better. I spent yesterday seeing some of his doctors and assessing the entire situation. Thank you for your support, and please let everyone know that it was a great day on Friday.Thank you for your offer on guidance, and I will be taking you up on that offer. Also, anything that Frank and I can do in Stafford, please l et us know. We will be back in Harrisonburg in January With Kyle, and I hope we can meet. Again, thank you for all the support and I feel that good things are in the future.
Susan
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Special Story
A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of little boy.
"Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies."
"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "these puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."
The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.
"I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"
"Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. "Here, Dolly!" he called. Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran
Dolly followed by four little balls of fur.
The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight.
As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse. Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it s lid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up...
"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt. The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."
With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers.
In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe.
Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "you see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands."
With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup. Holding it carefully handed it to the little boy.
"How much?" asked the little boy. "no charge," answered the farmer, "There's no charge for love."
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